Sexy!

IMG_2867Sometimes as you age, you find that sex is not that important… or, at least, the hanging from the chandeliers kind isn’t. *sigh* Add to the age factor that you and/or your partner may have physical limitations or be taking medication that impedes indulging as often and as fervently as you used to. *sigh*sigh* Now add your Chronic Kidney Disease to this equation. *sigh*sigh*sigh*

Does this mean you’re doomed to a life of fervent hugging and kissing and no more? Not at all, my friends, not at all.

Let’s take a look at what I had to say (oh, all right, write) about the glorious, yet somehow still taboo, topic of sex for CKD patients. Those of you Book Coverwith a print copy of What Is It and How Did I Get It? Early Stage Chronic Kidney Disease will find this begins on page 100. If you have the digital version, do a word search for ‘sex.’ It’ll be the third finding on the search.

I haven’t found too much about sex that’s different from the problems of non-CKD patients although with this disease there may be a lower sex drive accompanied by a loss of libido and an inability to ejaculate.  Usually, these problems start with an inability to keep an erection as long as usual.  The resulting impotency has a valid physical, psychological or psycho-physical cause.

Some of the physical causes of impotence, more recently referred to as Erectile Dysfunction [E.D.] for a CKD patient could be poor blood supply since there are narrowed blood vessels all over the body.  Or maybe it’s leaky blood vessels.  Of course, it could be a hormonal disturbance since the testicles may be producing less testosterone and the kidneys are in charge of hormones. Possibly, you’re tired from CKD induced anemia.  I’ve just mentioned a few possibilities. The silver lining is that there are almost as many treatments as there are causes.

While E.D. can be caused by renal disease, it can also be caused by diabetes and hypertension. All three are of importance to CKD patients. Sometimes, E.D. is caused by the medications for hypertension, depression and anxiety.  But, E.D. can also be caused by other diseases, injuries, surgeries, prostate cancer or a host of other conditions and bodily malfunctions. Psychologically, the problem may be caused by stress, low self-esteem, even guilt to name just a few of the possible causes.

blood pressure 300dpi jpgThe usual remedies for E.D. can be used with CKD patients, too, but you need to make certain your urologist and your nephrologists work together, especially if your treatment involves changing medications, hormone replacement therapy or an oral medication like Viagra. There are other treatments not mentioned here….

Sometimes, the treatment is as simple as counseling and the cessation of smoking and alcohol.  Hmmmm, as CKD patients, we’ve already been advised to stop smoking and drinking.  This is another reason for male CKD patients to do so.

Women with CKD may also suffer from sexual problems, but the causes can be complicated.  As with men, renal disease, diabetes and hypertension may contribute to the problem.  But so can poor body image, low self-esteem, depression, stress and sexual abuse [It’s become clear since the book was published in 2011 that men also may suffer from these conditions]. Any chronic disease can make a man or a woman feel less sexual.

Some remedies for women are the same as those for men.  I discovered through my research that vaginal lubricants and technique, routine, and environment changes when making love, warm baths, massage, and vibrators can help. Again, there are other, more medical treatments.

Common sense tells us that sex or intimacy is not high on your list of priorities when you’ve just been recently diagnosed.  I was obsessed with my [e.g. premature and unnecessary] revulsion of dialysis and needed to hear over and over again that it was a couple of decades too early to worry about this.  I was also tired and didn’t know why, just worried that I would always need an afternoon rest period.… Then I discovered that vaginal strep B can occur in women over 60 with CKD.  Luckily for me, if you catch it and treat it early on, it’s just an infection that you take antibiotics to kill.  If you don’t treat it early, you just may be looking at some serious consequences.

Since we’re in the early stages of CKD, chances are the sexual problem is not physical other than being tired.  I never talked to my nephrologist about sex because I felt there was no reason to, and I had a partner who was willing to work around my rest periods until I had the energy.  But, I sleepam convinced, that if I ever do feel I have reason, I would talk to him. I’m older and prefer women doctors for the most part especially when it comes to private matters but this man is the specialist who knows far more than I do about this disease I am struggling to prevent from progressing.  There is a point when you realize your life is more important than not being embarrassed.

Sometimes people with chronic diseases can be so busy being the patient that they forget their partners have needs, too.  And sometimes, remembering to stay close, really close as in hugging and snuggling, can be helpful.  You’ve got to keep in mind that some CKD patients never have sexual problems, no change in frequency and depth of desire and no impairment in the act itself.  This is not the time to make yourself the textbook case of the CKD patient who suffers sexually because of her disease. The best advice I received in this area was make love even if you don’t want to.  Magic.

I wrote that five years ago and very little has changed. You’ll see that I added an update in brackets and omitted outdated information.  Otherwise, my advice is the same.  But keep in mind that I am not a doctor and have never claimed to be one. Speak to your nephrologist if you feel your sex life is being hampered by your CKD.

Check The Book of Blogs: Moderate Stage Chronic Kidney Disease, Parts 1 and 2 to see if they have more information about sex and our disease.IMG_1398

Wow!  I keep the blog to about 1,000 words and I’m already over.  It’s just as well, we’re off to find some delicious candles and add some sexy music to the iPod… just in case we’re in the mood sometime soon, you understand.

Until next week,

Keep living your life!

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2 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I think this blog made me blush!

    • Geo! Can we amend that to ‘blush’ and reconsider my options?


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